Uncomfortable Turtles

How do you know when you love someone?

This topic came up on the blog roll a couple of months ago, and I wanted to write on it, but I was scared - scared because of what the answer might be and what that would mean.

Love is squishy, it’s difficult to define. (Which is why you’re asking this question in the first place.) It means all the things! Affection, caring, adoration, vague appreciation, excitement, commitment, loyalty…

How do you know when you love someone? When you trust them. Truly, completely, enough for them to destroy you, and that’s fine.

It’s when you can be completely vulnerable: You don’t have the masks, the editing, the polish, and rather than retreating into your own turtlely shell when everything goes wrong, you retreat into your love’s (which sounds like it would be quite uncomfortable for turtles).

And all this in reverse too. You have to both be vulnerable and honour vulnerability.

I’m bad at communicating, I’m very bad at being vulnerable. This whole thing is scary in very uncomfortable ways (perhaps why my metaphor tortures turtles). I hope I’m learning from my mistakes and failures but I suspect I’m not.

15 year old me: I’m amazed you thought you’d be married by the time you were 22, did you not know how immature you are? (This is called a teaser for my next post)

Maybe love is not necessarily the ability to be that vulnerable, and that gentle with vulnerability, but the promise to try. Over and over again.